Family Friday

For the past couple of weeks I've been using Blog Fridays to talk about my family. I'm anticipating that when the baby gets here, Friday will be the day for gratuitous proud-dad-pictures. But I also consider my ministry at church as an extension of my ministry at home, so talking about one almost inevitably leads me to talk about the other.

One of the things that has been important to Kari and I from the day we got married is the concept that we have been a family since July 17th, 2004. We're not "starting a family" now that she's expecting - we've been a family for almost 4 years.

I know it seems like a tomato/tomahto deal, but I think the language is important.

When God created the first family in the Garden, He placed two people together - husband and wife - and pronounced that from that point on, "a man should leave his father and mother, and cling to his wife," resulting in a single new unit (Genesis 2:24).

Kari and I have been a family for a few years now, and when baby Maher-Shalal-Hash-Baz shows up, we will be adding to the family - not starting a new one.

The language is important because it's important to be precise when you're talking about anything God does. It's also important when it comes to priorities in your family. I do a lot of marriage counseling for people who abandon each other in favor of their kiddos. When they do, they abandon their family rather than saving it. The best thing you can do for your kids is to love their parent. Why? Because when you abandon the foundation of the family, for any reason, you lose all the stability.

Finally, it's important to be precise for sensitivity reasons. An increasing number of young adults are struggling with infertility these days. There are enough things in these families' lives to cause discouragement; we don't need to add to it by insinuating their marriage/family is not complete without children - especially when our language is incorrect.

If you're not married, you still function as a part of your mom and dad's family. When you marry, you don't go into family-limbo until you have a kid. When you say "I do," a new family begins. Children are a blessing from the Lord, but as an addition to a family that already existed.