I'm beginning an official campaign against the "Jesus Fish."Earlier today during my morning commute, I was within inches of being an agent used by God to usher another person into Glory. There I was, minding my own business while listening to Mike and Mike in the Morning, eating my Fudge Graham Balance Bar, drinking my Coke C2 (the breakfast of champions), and working on the list of things I needed to accomplish today. Traffic was heavy, but not nearly as bad as it can be at 7 o'clock in the morning on the way in to Dallas.
Suddenly out of the corner of my eye, I saw a streak of blue come flying across my rear view mirror. A middle aged man in a brand new Tahoe shot from the left lane to the right lane, causing three different cars to swerve onto the shoulder to avoid the early morning opportunity to swim with the Trinity River fishes.
As the Tahoe goosed the gas, missing me by a fraction of an inch, the car in front of him slammed on his brakes join the traffic jam already in progress ahead of us, obviously having been distracted by the commotion behind him. The Tahoe reacted by slamming on his own brakes, and swerving towards the left shoulder only to realize that the left shoulder was protected by a concrete barrier. With cat-like reflexes, he swerved back into the center lane, narrowly missing a car whose driver had already suffered a corronary because of a first near-miss. She honked, which allowed the Tahoe to swerve back into my lane where he finally came to a stop.
That's when I noticed the Jesus fish on the back of his car. Not just one, but a family of 5 Jesus fish; a mommy and daddy Jesus fish followed by 3 little Jesus fish.
It would have been cute if I hadn't developed an incontrolable urge to strangle the guy.
The Jesus fish isn't a good idea. It's hard to represent heaven when you drive like a bat out of, well, you know...
4 comments:
Was it a pewter Tahoe with a PyroManiac decal on the back next to the Jesus fish?
Sorry. I was running a little late this morning.
Haha...
Ok, well I have the "Truth" Fish eating the "darwin" fish, is that ok?
I'm pretty sure I don't drive like a bat out of... well you know. Unless there's a legitamate emergency (like someone dying or late for the airport)
Ha. I've known people in my life that say the same thing Frank... But when you know you can get there driving like a bat out hades, why not give yourself some more time at your first location, say... home. Then, you can high-tail it to the next destination and get there in plenty of time.
I like to call that the "Kari Freeland philosophy of transportation."
Phil-
The Pyromaniac decal cancels out the Jesus fish in my mind. The Jesus fish could cause your wreckless driving to harm your Christian testimony, but the Pyromaniac decal lets you off the hook. The bulk of your readers are so high-strung and flame happy that anyone familiar with Pyromaniac will understand with absolute certainty why you drive the way you do.
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